1. |
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00:35
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2. |
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What did I say that didn't strike a word? Out of your mouth everything was so absurd. And I didn't think to stop and look at your eyes when they shook, when I shook. Like a bedframe that's sold on the side of the street, like you wouldn't ever ever ever talk to me. Am I alone or are you just waiting to go home? Am I just a joke? "You're such a joke."
"Sleep isn't easy and I'm not either so back off and see her all the way over there, yeah I know you hate it. I don't even know her that well, but you know me well. You know what I'll do, you know what I'll say. I won't ever forget about that day you left me."
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3. |
You Don't Care
02:54
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I was set free. I was scorn. I had all the jeans that you had worn on my floor. You didn't stay longer than four in the afternoon. I was so fed up, and I didn't want you anymore. I guess it's fucked up to think that I could hold out so much for someone and only get twenty five god damn percent of it back.
And you weren't afraid to say "I don't care about you anyway." What did I do? Did I overlook the paths I had taken when I was stuck in school? You drove home and didn't care that I was alone. I guess I was vacant. The parking lot's so vacant. I'm tired of this place. Where did you go? 'Cause I miss your face.
Spring is almost here and I hope we melt like the shade beneath the trees. It's disappeared just like the sun that hit my back when i was on my walk back home.
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4. |
Leather Bound
01:36
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The cracks in the ceiling are leaking water all over the floor. But I have found substance in something other than moldy carpet. But I will not stand for this, I won't wait around for things to work out for me. I don't know where I'm going. I just want to live again.
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5. |
Hypnagogia
01:54
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I was well aware of everything that the winter would bring me but you never wanted anything. And I slowed down all the songs I wrote you and found the letters you provoked too. And I never felt better about any of it.
You lost yourself that day you said but I didn't even get out of bed until two thirty in the afternoon. And what was wrong is now is right and you still don't fall asleep at night. But is that what you always wanted? And I've been on my own.
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6. |
Stare
02:08
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If you're gonna let me down, then do it fast without a sound. 'Cause I don't wanna hear it and I don't wanna be it anymore. It's not my fault anymore. If you're just gonna stare, then just look me in the eyes and not over there. 'Cause I can't take it, and I won't stand it no more.
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7. |
Resonate
03:09
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I will take what I deserve. For what it's worth, what is it worth? Complicate everything you say. Oh well, guess I will wait.
For your wall to come crashing down. Where was I when you weren't around? I'm on the phone trying to explain why I couldn't come face to face with the things that I seldom hate.
I was awake as the morning came. Heard your voice start to resonate. I felt better and tried to relate to every thing that you would say. I no longer wanted to wait.
And your wall came crashing down. I was there and you stayed around. All these things that I seldom hate have found themselves in a grave.
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8. |
I'm Trying...Again
03:18
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Now you're talking about yourself again. I've noticed that it's always the same friend that did this or that to you and left you to spend the weekend at home alone again. But I don't see a difference in that or taking the time to speak out again. 'Cause I've heard your shit for so long that it has been in one ear and out the other my friend. And I won't say the things I've been thinking when you're speaking my friend.
I've been fighting with my parents again and it's about waist deep in my head. And I can't stand any of my friends. It's fucked up to think that they'll be there in the end. And I'm failing my classes again. It's hurting me more than I can bend.
And I just wanna do good again. Feel better about myself again. So next time you talk about yourself again, think about those around you who cannot begin to tell what they've been going through themselves. We're all hurting, just don't hurt yourself.
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9. |
Where Did You Go?
00:49
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So that's what it was. This question I would ask myself over and over. Am I ever gonna be the same again? It was everything I never expected and I wasn't sure where you went or why you had to go. It was something I never understood. Maybe I should have understood. Maybe if I keep having this dream, you'll come back to life. Maybe if I stay awake for a few days, I'll go crazy and you'll be everywhere I look. I don't wanna think about it too much. I try not to. But I do.
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10. |
Sleeping On The Couch
02:08
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See what I wanted to know is am I wasting my time? And should I have known? Did I find you out like you wanted me to? Did I hurt you? Well, god dammit you wanted me to. You wanted to run, run away from the world. So I walked right past you, my actions ensued.
Fell asleep on the couch. Watched the sun come up. I drove to work. You were doing your hair. Ate lunch with some friends. Drove back home. You were cutting your hair. You just don't want to be you. Does it feel good to be brand new? I want to be brand new.
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11. |
I Care, I Do
02:05
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Don't lose your head over something you'll soon regret. I know just what I said when you walked out and left for dead. I don't know where you went but I hope it's better than here and the things that we have seen. You know that I care more than I can bring to the table. I never brought much at all.
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12. |
Tired
02:29
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If I'm lost again, it happens. I'm used to it. This isn't the first time I've wanted to quit everything and move away. Just remain from everything. Is it insane that I don't need a car? I don't need this bed. I don't need all of these accustomed things. If I could just survive on my own with no one by my side I might be alright but I'm not alright tonight. I'm almost losing my mind. Is anyone gonna hear what I've been saying this whole time. I don't want to be all the things I used to be.
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13. |
Two Months
03:03
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Hold still, it's only gonna hurt if you move. Don't you see how much it's worth to bleed? But you won't get the subject if it's present to you. You only want answers don't you?
The cancer is spreading and you still have a little bit of time. Doctor, how could you say this like it's easy to comprehend? I want to see everything that the world has to hold for me. How can I do that in just a couple months? Don't you see that I'm too young for anything?
Honey don't you cry my mother said to me. I understand if you have to leave. I won't forget you baby. I promise that we will beat this so you can see everything that the world has in store to be.
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14. |
Feeling Better
02:36
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You're upset and I understand it. I would help if I could help it. I'll sit right here and let you tell me about it helplessly. Think of the past few nights. Have you been alright? Oh I've noticed I've fucked up every time. It's stupid I know but I can't help over analyze all the shit in my life.
But I'm feeling better. I'm feeling better every morning. I'm relieved and well achieved when it comes to responsibility. I'm halfway to alright and I'm soaking up the sunlight. So love your life 'cause I'm starting to love mine. We'll feel better together. Feel better together.
'Cause the night is not over, I'm picking a clover and I feel lucky. I feel better. And I'm smiling at you while you tell some joke and the beer is cold and our friends are up in smoke. Things will get better. We'll feel better, better together.
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15. |
Permeable
03:17
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I slept for twelve hours today. Sometimes it's nice to not worry. But then I realize that it's bad to ignore things. It is not good to let things sit and rot. It is not good to put my worries in bold face and let them take control of my body.
One day I'll be twenty five and I'll be in some city walking around and admiring all the work put into it. I will realize that the person who made all of this probably didn't sleep twelve hours the day they drew it up. They didn't avoid responsibility. I can only ask myself why I negate compassion and why I shoot down every chance of success. If being afraid of the future is my fault, then so be it.
I will stand in the ocean and let the water wash off my regret. After a while, I'll see that no matter how long I stand there, the water cannot do everything. At some point I will realize that nothing is permeable and that like glue, only I can put these things back together.
I will stop putting myself in this position. I will stop pushing away the people who love me. It only takes a day to get on the right track. It will only take getting out of bed. It will only take getting the hell out of bed.
Don't let the sun burn out. I think I still have some time to figure this out.
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16. |
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I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad. Carry you around when your arthritis is bad. All I wanna do is grow old with you. I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches. Build you a fire if the furnace breaks. Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you.
I'll miss you. Kiss you. Give you my coat when you are cold. Need you. Feed you. Even let ya hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink. Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink. I could be the man who grows old with you. I wanna grow old with you.
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Pinball House Florida
My name is Scotty and I'm 23. I hope you like what you hear. (I no longer write under Pinball House but you can still download everything for free.)
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